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Why I Don’t Care

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17 Jan 2020

I Don’t Care

I often find myself in a state of mind where I just don’t care about a problem. This happens a lot. At home, at work, in the car, it doesn’t really matter.

Some times this gets me into trouble, although I am usually able to justify why I don’t care. I suspect this is due to a failure to communicate about why I don’t care.

This post is a bit of self reflection into that so hopefully I have something to refer to later when my lack of caring has caused a problem.

All Outcomes Are Equal

If I have to choose between two options where the outcomes are equal (or close enough to it), the decision lacks importance and I lose interest.

When forced to provide a decision in this scenario, I’ll flip a coin in my head and pick one. This should be ok, because the outcome is the same either way.

If all the outcomes are equal, I don’t care.

To break this thought process, I need to be convinced that the outcomes are unequal, but at that point, the person convincing is a better person to be making the decision. See “I’m Not Qualified” below.

It Doesn’t Affect Me

I’m very introverted and self-preservation oriented, which means if something doesn’t affect me, I don’t care. I am not devoid of empathy and am able to put myself in someone else’s shoes when prompted to, but it’s not something that comes naturally.

If forced to pick, I will consider a few differing view points and decide biased on that. Due to my nature, I may not consider the weight of the decision correctly for all parties. It’s done to the best of my ability.

If it doesn’t affect me, I don’t care.

To change my thinking, either find a way it would affect me, or help me understand the impacted person more. If I can empathise correctly, I’ll make a better decision.

I’m Not Qualified to Make The Decision

Some times I’m asked to make a call on a decision that I’m not qualified to ask. Someone will suggest multiple approaches to a problem and ask which I would recommend. This comes back down to “All Outcomes Are Equal”. When I think I don’t have the knowledge to make a solid decision, the amount of unknown leaves me feeling as if the options could be equal and so I don’t care. I will often deflect the decision to the person I think is more qualified.

When forced to make a decision, I’ll assume my knowledge is complete and make a call biased on that. This seems like a fine approach.

If I’m not qualified to make a decision, I don’t care.

Talking to the person who I believe is more qualified will help me fill in the gaps in my knowledge and come to an informed decision.

It Just Doesn’t Matter

Some decisions are about items that are trivial and the question is fine to be ignored completely. Often, it is only my impression that the decision doesn’t matter, other people think it is very important.

When force to make a call, I’ll look for the shallowest reason to pick one side over another and choose that. If the other person believes the matter to be important, this can give them a false sense of validation in the opinion.

If it just doesn’t matter, I don’t care.

Showing me how the result is important will help me care more and then I will apply more effect to the decision making process.

I Have Other Problems

When facing a large number of problems at the same time, I prioritise and the ones that I consider less important are dropped into the I don’t care bucket.

When force to decide, I’ll struggle emotionally to come up with a decision. There are more pressing matters that I’m working through. I’ll find an answer to the best of my ability that I’m happy with, but it will be very draining.

If I have other problems, I don’t care.

In cases like this, I need the problem to shown that it has more importance than the little problems; and if it is a really big problem, I’ll be overwhelmed and need help talking through possible solutions.

I’m Emotionally Drained

Occasionally I’m so overwhelmed, I drop the harder emotionally driven questions to the bottom of my priority list, even if they are important.

When forced to address the problem, I’ll seek help to make a decision. Emotional questions are outside my area of expertise and I will seek an expert’s opinion. It will be very draining and I’ll likely go with whatever the expert suggests.

If I’m emotionally drained, I don’t care.

When emotional problems come up, let me seek help, or suggest someone for me to talk the problem through with. Be aware that my decision will be heavily influenced, so any help should be delivered without bias if my true opinion is desired.

I Don’t Feel Heard

Some of the time, I’m asked an opinion (often indirectly) and I feel like my response isn’t heard or valued. This immediately makes me lose interest in the problem.

When pushed to respond to the problem, I’ll state my possible again but will defer to another person who appeared to have more persuasion.

If I don’t feel heard, I don’t care.

When I don’t feel heard, single me out and engage with me about my response. This is often a perception issue and showing that I was listened to will help me overcome this.

Thanks

This has been a cathartic exercise for me. I hope you enjoyed a small insight into my psyche.



Thanks for reading

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Cheers,
Michael



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